THE FEAR OF WOMEN

BY JULIE WILLIAMS

“I’m your father.”

 “We know who you are,” Joy said with no joy at all

in her tone.

 “When can we leave?” Rochelle asked.

 “Your mother will be back at seven,” Marvin replied.  “She

needs to do some shopping and run some errands.  We thought it

would be good if you stayed with me for a little while.”

 “Why couldn’t we just stay at home?” Peaches wanted to

know.  “Joy just turned thirteen.  She can watch us now.”

 “Yeah, we can take care of ourselves,” Rochelle said.

 “Don’t you want to spend some time with your dad?”  Marvin

inquired.

 “You’re not our dad,” Joy strongly corrected him.  “You’re

our mother’s ex-husband.”

 “Grandma says you’re a no good piece of nothing,” Rochelle

informed him.  

 “Yeah, Mama said you were in prison,” Peaches blurted out.

“Did you murder somebody?” Rochelle quickly added.

 Marvin sat nervously in a folding chair facing his three

daughters.  His three girls were sitting close together on a

couch covered with a bed sheet.  His chair, the couch, and a bed

in the bedroom were the only furniture items in Marvin’s

newly-acquired, one-bedroom apartment. 

 Joy’s anger and the look of confusion in the eyes of

Rochelle and Peaches made Marvin uneasy.  He fumbled with his

huge hands and his legs shook uncontrollably.  He did not know

how to fully explain and totally apologize for his long absence

from their lives. 

 When Marvin went to prison six years ago, Joy was just

seven-years-old.  Rochelle was five-years-old and his baby,

Peaches, was only three.  He was now a total stranger to his own

beautiful daughters.  He stared at them as hard as they were

staring at him.  He was astounded at how three perfect beings

could have emerged from his imperfect soul. 

 Marvin knew his appearance had initially startled the

girls.  He was much taller and muscular than they had imagined.

He knew he did not look the same as his photographs.  The

flawless dark brown skin was now like rugged terrain.  Massive

amounts of hair on his head and face were now shaven away.  A

constant smile had almost evaporated.   Marvin tried to make his

demeanor more pleasing than his looks.  His explanation flowed

out of his mouth almost in a whisper.

“I didn’t kill anybody.  I went to prison for drugs.”

 “You’re a dope addict?” Rochelle asked. 

 “No, he’s a filthy drug dealer,” Joy clarified.

“That’s very bad,” Peaches said with disappointment and

shaking her head.  

 “I did a lot of bad things that I am not very proud of,”

Marvin said.   “I hurt people that I loved and people that I

didn’t even realize loved me. I don’t want to hide anything from

you girls.  I have served my punishment in prison.  I just need

you girls to give me another chance to prove that I can be a

good father.”

 “We don’t need a father,” Joy informed him. 

 “Yeah, our mother takes very good care of us,” Rochelle

agreed with her big sister.  “We don’t need a father.”

 Marvin did not know how to respond.  He was happy that

Peaches changed the subject. 

 “You don’t have a television!” Peaches exclaimed.  “How can

you live without a television?”

 “Well, I read books,” Marvin replied.  “Reading actually

strengthens your mind.” 

 “How?” Peaches asked.

 “Television presents the pictures and the sounds right

there for you.  There is no effort on your part,” Marvin

clarified.  “With books, your mind does all the work.  You have

to create the faces, the places, the sounds, and all the colors

in your mind.” 

 “That is what they do in prison,” Joy interjected.  “They

spend all their time reading about how to get out of prison and

hurt more people.”

 Marvin was speechless.  He had not anticipated the amount

of bitterness that he was currently confronting.

“Well, I would rather watch the Disney channel,” Peaches

proudly revealed.

“I was not able to create your face in my mind while you

were in prison,” Rochelle told Marvin.  I don’t remember you at

all.” 

 “I remember him,” Joy declared. “I remember the police

busting into the house with all those guns.  I remember them

dragging him out of the house.  I remember Mama screaming and

crying.  I remember his face.”

 “Has his face changed?” Peaches asked.

 “No,” Joy said with venom. “Nothing about him has changed.” 

 Marvin fought hard to keep tears from filling his eyes. 

That night had been just a blur to him but a permanent memory

for his oldest daughter.  He searched his mind for the right

words to soothe this tension.  He knew that his previous actions

had already caused lasting damage.  He did not want to create

any further wounds.  Once again his baby came to his rescue. 

Peaches sprung up from the couch and made her discomfort loudly

known. 

 “I’m hungry!”

 “You are always hungry,” Rochelle replied with irritation.

 Marvin was glad the tone of the conversation was shifting.  

He rushed to his small kitchen and began preparing food. 

 “I have hot dogs and chips!” Marvin announced. “I made

grape Kool-Aid mixed with lemonade.   I cut up real lemons and

put them in the punch.”   

 “I hope you put enough sugar in it!” Rochelle instructed.

“I need my Kool-Aid sweet.”

 Rochelle quickly looked around at her sister Joy.  She

hoped she had not seemed too elated about the punch.

“Can you girls give an old man a helping hand?”

Peaches and Rochelle went into the small kitchen to

investigate.  Joy refused to move from her seat on the

couch. 

“I only want ketchup on my hot dog,” Peaches informed

Marvin.

“I need the works,” Rochelle said.

“What about you Joy?” Marvin shouted.

“I am not hungry,” Joy hollered back.

“Yes she is,” Peaches told Marvin. 

“I will fix her a plate,” Rochelle offered.

 Joy rushed into the kitchen with eyes filled with fury.

 “You two don’t speak for me,” Joy screamed.  “I don’t want

anything from him. Do you hear me?  I don’t want anything from

you.” 

  Rochelle and Peaches froze.  Marvin stopped his food

preparation to face Joy.  He knew he had no right but he was

beginning to feel a little anger himself toward Joy’s relentless

harsh attitude. 

 “You need to change your tone young lady,” Marvin calmly

requested. 

 “I will talk anyway I want to talk,” Joy snapped back. 

 “Listen, if you insist on being just mad and unpleasant,

that is fine,” Marvin shouted with the authority of a father.

“But don’t make it unpleasant for your sisters too.”

 “You’re not my father.  You don’t tell me what to do.”

 Marvin stepped toward Joy.  However, he abruptly stopped

when Peaches and Rochelle jumped in front of their big sister. 

All three girls took a defensive stance.

Marvin was in total shock.   His own daughters were

preparing to physically battle him.  They were not at all afraid

of him.  He was not sure if he should feel proud or hurt.  He

took a deep breath and without any further authoritative words

returned to his food preparation.

The girls stood for a moment not knowing how to finish this

confrontation.  Finally, Joy returned to the couch to ferment in

bitterness.  Peaches’ hunger brought back her annoying voice.

“Just ketchup for me.”

“Everything on my dog,” Rochelle added. 

Marvin felt his smile starting to return after a six year

absence.   He increased his motions as he continued preparing

plates of food.  He was delighted that Rochelle and Peaches

took the initiative to get out drinking glasses and ice for the

punch. 

The smell of onions was stronger than outrage.  Joy

snatched the plate of food from Rochelle’s hands.  The girls sat

on the couch devouring low income cuisine. 

“What are we going to do until Mama comes back?” Peaches

mumbled with a mouth full of chips.  “You don’t have a

television.”

Marvin came out of the kitchen with a book in his hand.

“I got this book from the library this morning.  I thought

we could read some of it together.”

“Read?” Rochelle questioned with disgust.  “Read what?”

“It’s called, “A Raisin In The Sun,” Marvin announced.

“It’s actually a classic play written years ago by a brilliant

writer who happens to be a woman.  It’s about a man struggling

to gain the strength and knowledge to take care of his family.  

He makes some very bad decisions.   His bad choices not only

affect his life but the lives of the ones that he loves the

most.”

“I don’t want to read about no boy,” Peaches reported. 

“It’s important that you girls learn as much as you can

about boys,” Marvin said.  “Women are responsible for all men.”

“How do you figure that?” Rochelle said with disbelief.

“The first man sprang from the hands of God,” Marvin

informed his daughters.  “Every man after the first man is

brought into this world by a woman.   Without God and a woman,

no man would ever exist.  If a man honors and respects God, then

he must also honor and respect women.”

“Stop listening to all that prison garbage,” Joy advised

her sisters.  “He is just trying to make you believe that prison

has made him see the light.  He has now found God in his soul.

He is not religious or smart.  If he had so much honor for

women, he would have never gone to jail.  He would have never

left us.  He is not smart at all.  He does not know anything

about God.”

“You are right,” Marvin agreed.  “That is why I want you to

learn from my mistakes.  I don’t want you to ever be with a man

that does not honor and respect women.  I don’t want you girls

to fall in love with a man that has a fear of women.”   

“Men don’t fear woman,” Rochelle said.

“Some men absolutely do fear women,” Marvin corrected her. 

“Dwayne Sims is afraid of me,” Peaches conceded.  “If he

tries to kiss me again, I am going to give him another fist

sandwich right upside his big head.”

“Men who fear women disrespect, abuse, and seriously hurt

them,” Marvin revealed.

“Then you must fear Mama,” Rochelle concluded.

“At one time, I totally feared your mother.  I treated her

very bad because I did not want her to know that I was not

strong enough to love her.  It takes strength to love, care for,

and protect women and children.  It doesn’t take any strength to

do wrong.  Guys think that selling drugs and guns, stealing, and

all that other crazy stuff makes them big, tough men.   Any fool

can go to jail or get shot dead over nothing.  It takes a real

man to live right.  But living right is incredibly hard.  Men

abandon women and children every day because they are just too

weak to handle all of that.  For years, I hid my weakness with

anger, violence, and drugs.  Do me a favor, one day when you are

outside draw a straight line on the ground and try to walk that

straight line.  Then draw a crooked line and see how very easy

that one is to walk. I was too scared to even try to live my

life with any sense of real dignity.  Being a real man is very

difficult and extremely hard.”

“Do you still fear women?” Joy asked.

“Not anymore,” Marvin admitted.  “I don’t want to ever fear

that any woman is stronger than me ever again.  You should be

grateful to your mother.  She has been much stronger than I. 

She caught the ball that I dropped.  That is why you have what

you have and live like you live.  But that is all going to

change.  I have enough strength now to work every day to try to

earn your mother’s forgiveness.  I have enough strength now to

love, care for, and protect my own children.”

Joy rose from the couch and walked over to Marvin.  She

snatched the book from his hand.  She walked back to the couch,

sat down, and began to read out loud.  Her sisters continued to

eat but gave their full attention to the oldest reading.

Marvin took a seat.  He listened also as the words of the

book rolled off his daughter’s sharp tongue and made a

bittersweet sound that filled the room. 

Each girl took turns reading passages from the book. 

Peaches needed help with the big words but was always excited

when it was her time to read.  Finally, Joy walked over and

handed Marvin the book.   Marvin suddenly got a little nervous

but cleared his throat.  He bellowed out the words with force

and coated them all with his true feelings. 

Marvin’s reading was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the

door.  As Linda walked past him through the doorway, he realized

that all his choices had not been wrong.  Linda had passed down

her beauty as well as her brains to his legacy.  He was grateful

that the suffering he had caused his daughters has been buffered

by someone that he was convinced would never stop having some

form of love for him.  Regret rushed down his spine as he

realized that he had lost any chance of having this wonderful

woman wrap him up tight again in her love. 

“How did it go?” Linda anxiously inquired.

“We did good,” Marvin replied.  “I think we did real good.”

Without any goodbye or kisses, the girls quickly headed out

of the apartment door.   Linda saw the disappointment in

Marvin’s eyes.

“You don’t have to do this,” Linda reminded him.  “Those

little women are not easy to deal with.  But we are doing just

fine.  You don’t have to do this.”

Before Marvin could answer, Peaches had returned to the

doorway. 

“Don’t forget to renew that book at the library.  We want

pizza next week.”

Peaches quickly turned and ran to rejoin her sisters. 

Linda again offered Marvin another opportunity to relinquish his

parental rights.

“Do you really want me to bring them back next week?”

Marvin summoned all the strength he had to answer her

question.

“Absolutely, I’m their father!”

 

JULIE WILLIAMS was one of five finalists in the 14th Gertrude Johnson Williams Short Story Competition sponsored by Johnson Publishing Company for this short story.